The Libertines

Well Hung at Dawn

The Libertines, Lindsay Lohan, um, reconsidered

Summer season, our ass. Bring on The Wire already! One can only watch so many episodes of Wiseguy, let alone three DVDs of Mystic River. Three? We'd rather be kidnapped and held hostage in a dank basement by a deranged child molester!

Speaking of Wiseguy, three important notes: A) That Herb Ketcher should have toughed things out -- all these years later, the mastermind of Isle Pavot would have made Ambassador. B) William Russ truly ruled. Trio needs to snatch up Middle Ages for the next "Brilliant But Cancelled." And sadly, C) R.I.P. Gerald Anthony, a.k.a. Father Terranova.

No one can ever say your Well Hung pals aren't afraid to eat some crow -- we're kinda digging the new Libertines record. Lord knows it's not the sound of the Most Important British Band of Their Generation (copyright Alan McGee), and it sure as fuck ain't Up All Night, but it definitely doesn't suck. Go fig.

Color us confused: It's OK for Oscar-winning has-been Mira Sorvino to marry a young boy, but when a hot teacher does a lucky student, somehow it's "wrong" . . . Which reminds us -- Happy Eighteenth Birthday, Lindsay Lohan. We have a very special present for you -- in our pants.

Steve Zahn is sooooooo not Al Giordino . . . Thanks, but we'll pass on the big Psychic TV reunion, featuring Douglas Rushkoff on keyboards . . . Gotta save those shekels for Controlled Bleeding's comeback jaunt with Todd Gitlin blowing mad sax.

If it was Celebrity STRIP Poker Challenge with Lauren Graham, we'd watch . . . Christ almighty, Supergrass are ten! Criminey jickets, we're old -- but still, we look much better than Adam Yauch.

Favorite recent headline (or CNN crawl item): "Pope Expresses Sorrow Over Constantinople." Yeah, sorry about that whole Crusades thing, guys! Won't happen again (we think).

You know what was a really good show? Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

WHAD experienced a momentary rush of hope upon hearing that the extremely untalented McG had ankled the new Superman flick. "Great," we thought. "Perhaps they'll hire someone who actually knows how to direct a movie." Well, apparently that wasn't a quality the geniuses at Warner Bros. deemed necessary, as they've now inked the Official Worst Director in the History of Ever, the One and Only (thank God!) Michael Bay. Needless to say, Superman will blow more goats than Zell Miller at the Georgia State Fair.

On a related (bad directors, blowing goats) note, has there ever been a more apt pairing of filmmaker with film than Joel Schumacher and The Phantom of the Opera? We wouldn't go see that movie with Katherine Moennig's dick.

Lance Armstrong. We almost fell asleep just typing that. Is his girlfriend perfect for him or what?

Have we mentioned that we fucking LOVE the Playwrights? Those of you who like your post-punk all arty and angular and intellectual and intense ought to visit the Bristol-based brainiacs at theplaywrights.co.uk and DL some tunage. We recommend the very ace "Dislocated" and the swinging Situationist single "Guy Debord Is Really Dead"?

And finally, we here at WHAD HQ were initially excited about the Family Guy staged reading in Montreal, but, after careful consideration, have decided not to go. Wouldn't want anything to interfere with our sexual fantasies about Lois.

The above are the opinions of Cohen and Krugman and sooooo not necessarily the editors of Rolling Stone.


JASON COHEN and MICHAEL KRUGMAN
(Posted июл 07, 2004)