Beth Ditto

What would Beth Ditto do?

Today's dilemma for Beth: How should I respond to catcalls in the street?

The Guardian

I have been 130lb as well as 215lb. I have had blond, strawberry blond, green, pink and purple hair, and none of that has ever exempted me from having lewd comments flung at me in the street. This happens to all women, and it can be really upsetting, but we shouldn't feel hopeless about it - I really believe that if men and women start communicating about this, it's something that we can tackle together.

First things first ... we have to stop referring to this as a "catcall". Women aren't cats, we aren't pets, we are just people trying to cross the freaking street to get an ice-cream cone. (Well, in my case, anyway.)

I struggled with this question, asking, "Beth, what would you do?", and then I remembered all the times I've shouted back: "Show us your cock! That's right - let everyone here see how huge it is! Oh wait! What's that? I didn't hear you! You're walking away?!" Using my voice is always my first instinct. In good conscience, though, I know that this kind of harassment happens in varying degrees and that shouting back isn't always appropriate. Harassment can also stir up strong feelings, which can ruin your day. So, taking all that into consideration, I've written a handy list of scenarios and sketched out exactly how to respond!

No 1: If you find yourself on the receiving end of some crude dude's remarks, it is up to you to decide how much energy to give the jerk. It's understandable to feel too tired, or afraid, or even embarrassed to confront a stranger who hasn't the sense to respect you as a human being. If you feel up to it, though, go right ahead! Just be careful and know how to protect yourself.

No 2: If you find yourself feeling powerless after someone has shouted at you, you need to remember that this is the masterplan of sexism. The guys in question may not know it, but every time they "catcall" a girl they are reminding her of her vulnerability in a system designed to do just that. As women, we need to remember the power that lies within.

No 3: If a friend or partner tells you that catcalls are a fact of life and to "just get used to it", it's worth recognising that they are fuelling the harasser's fire and extinguishing yours. It can be particularly annoying when a boyfriend does this - it's not fair for someone who has the privilege of taking a risk-free stroll in the park, day or night, to dismiss your reaction. The next time he says something like that then you should arrange to get some of the most annoying, frightening women, young and old, ugly and beautiful, thin and fat, to stare at him for a week, pointing and remarking on his body. He'll just have to get used to it! Seriously, though, I suggest that you nip any comments like that in the bud. You can't be yourself with a partner who writes off your feelings.

No 4: This advice is for the boys ... If you want to give a woman a compliment, there is nothing wrong with just saying, "You look beautiful." The over-the-top stallion attitude is intimidating, though, and, let's face it, doesn't really work for anyone. I mean, seriously? When was the last time it actually got you a date?!

· Beth would love to answer your one-line questions or dilemmas in her fortnightly column. Please email them to beth.ditto@guardian.co.uk

Guardian Unlimited © Guardian News and Media Limited 2007